almost all my friends are avoiding the question 'how are you?' and anything related to mousheng altogether.
1. they are afraid i'll get emotional and break down and they wont know how to react.
2. they think i've recovered from it and gotten over it so quickly.
3. they think i'll prefer that they dont ask.
4. it has alr slipped their mind that i just lost a loved one 2 weeks ago.
and my response is:
1. no worries. i'm really not the kind of person who cries in front of ppl actually. that friday, saturday and sunday were really extremely rare situations.
2. well, no. it'll take me forever to get over it; in fact, i probably wont, because i dont want to forget the times i had with him. but i'll recover, yes.
3. if u ask me, actually i prefer ppl to ask. i would love to share about him and his life anytime, anywhere (:
4. hmm, that's not nice ):
i'm not bitter or anything, just the feelings gathered over the past few days haha.
i'm definitely much better now compared to the first week, but my sleeping habits have not converted back to the normal healthy one i had, and i do still miss him a lot a lot. every night before i sleep i'll think of him and tears come naturally ): as each day passes i feel that a part of me is feeling worser because the feeling of missing him gets stronger. but on the whole i'm much better! i hope this makes sense haha. i used to be able to control my dreams somewhat, like if i purposely think of someone/something before i fall asleep, i will dream of her/him/it. but it's not working anymore now, why ):):
met my movie-provider today, and i've got a whole new stock hahaha. awesome. but sunday onwards i have 4 full days of work so i cant watch much by next sunday when i next see him again!
a side remark: why do so many ppl still support WP after what happened?
1 more day to hougang elections, 3 more days to results D:
1. they are afraid i'll get emotional and break down and they wont know how to react.
2. they think i've recovered from it and gotten over it so quickly.
3. they think i'll prefer that they dont ask.
4. it has alr slipped their mind that i just lost a loved one 2 weeks ago.
and my response is:
1. no worries. i'm really not the kind of person who cries in front of ppl actually. that friday, saturday and sunday were really extremely rare situations.
2. well, no. it'll take me forever to get over it; in fact, i probably wont, because i dont want to forget the times i had with him. but i'll recover, yes.
3. if u ask me, actually i prefer ppl to ask. i would love to share about him and his life anytime, anywhere (:
4. hmm, that's not nice ):
i'm not bitter or anything, just the feelings gathered over the past few days haha.
i'm definitely much better now compared to the first week, but my sleeping habits have not converted back to the normal healthy one i had, and i do still miss him a lot a lot. every night before i sleep i'll think of him and tears come naturally ): as each day passes i feel that a part of me is feeling worser because the feeling of missing him gets stronger. but on the whole i'm much better! i hope this makes sense haha. i used to be able to control my dreams somewhat, like if i purposely think of someone/something before i fall asleep, i will dream of her/him/it. but it's not working anymore now, why ):):
met my movie-provider today, and i've got a whole new stock hahaha. awesome. but sunday onwards i have 4 full days of work so i cant watch much by next sunday when i next see him again!
a side remark: why do so many ppl still support WP after what happened?
1 more day to hougang elections, 3 more days to results D:
now i know why i shldnt be left alone at home.
i need to keep myself occupied ):
i was looking through the box containing the letters that i wrote to him, and there was this letter that says 'happy birthday' so i opened to read it. it was a letter written to him for his bdae even before we got tgt...the paper feels so thin and it is starting to tear, i wonder how many times he had opened it to read it over and over again haha.
there are so many memories streaming back into my head, i really wish to record them down but they are all so messy. maybe i could manage to compile everything by the end of this month.
i am very thankful for all the friends i have. without them i dun think i can pick up so fast. thank you charis for rushing down to the hospital on friday, thank you 6d for coming down on that day too, thank you all friends who came down to his wake on saturday, special thanks to jomain and huishan who volunteered to stay overnight with me, thanks yishun, liangtiong and youjun for the awkward hugs which i do appreciate despite the awkwardness, thank you everyone who gave me support and encouragement through various means, thank you hengyang joel ryn juncen waikuong for asking me along ytd to join yall for lunch and going joel's house after that, thank you mousheng's friends and cousins who kept checking on me, thank you friends who shared lovely memories of him with me, and lastly and most imptly, thank you mummy for giving me space and yet giving me support at the same time.
it's the 15th of the month again. i'll keep counting, every day passing will be yet another day of our relationship. it'll never die. whether or not i ever enter a relationship again, i dont know, but even if i do, our relationship still goes on. whoever who wants me has got to accept this fact, i figured. there is no way anyone can remove your place in my heart. i cant figure out if this is due to your selfishness or mine, haha. please dont ever forget the special date we both share. happy 15th.
i need to keep myself occupied ):
i was looking through the box containing the letters that i wrote to him, and there was this letter that says 'happy birthday' so i opened to read it. it was a letter written to him for his bdae even before we got tgt...the paper feels so thin and it is starting to tear, i wonder how many times he had opened it to read it over and over again haha.
there are so many memories streaming back into my head, i really wish to record them down but they are all so messy. maybe i could manage to compile everything by the end of this month.
i am very thankful for all the friends i have. without them i dun think i can pick up so fast. thank you charis for rushing down to the hospital on friday, thank you 6d for coming down on that day too, thank you all friends who came down to his wake on saturday, special thanks to jomain and huishan who volunteered to stay overnight with me, thanks yishun, liangtiong and youjun for the awkward hugs which i do appreciate despite the awkwardness, thank you everyone who gave me support and encouragement through various means, thank you hengyang joel ryn juncen waikuong for asking me along ytd to join yall for lunch and going joel's house after that, thank you mousheng's friends and cousins who kept checking on me, thank you friends who shared lovely memories of him with me, and lastly and most imptly, thank you mummy for giving me space and yet giving me support at the same time.
it's the 15th of the month again. i'll keep counting, every day passing will be yet another day of our relationship. it'll never die. whether or not i ever enter a relationship again, i dont know, but even if i do, our relationship still goes on. whoever who wants me has got to accept this fact, i figured. there is no way anyone can remove your place in my heart. i cant figure out if this is due to your selfishness or mine, haha. please dont ever forget the special date we both share. happy 15th.
too much spare time in the past week has given my mind too much chances to wander off and think too much. not like i managed to keep it in control during exam period though. and every time i'll end up with the same conclusion, but my mind just loves to complicate things and confuse myself. ok i probably dun make sense at all haha. it's alright. i'm perfectly fine now but the process of thinking is sometimes quite irritating!
Haha oh well, the busy holidays r just about to begin. Had the second meeting with Mona in the afternoon, tgt w Danial and Qing Zhong. She has approved our idea and is willing to see us through the project, but it's gonna last all the way to October and I'm honestly not very keen on that, cos before I know it, my year 2 sem 1 is packed w commitments?? D: which means my attention and energy will b splitted and I can't focus on each commitment very well. Soo, I need to b really careful w what I promise to do frm no on.
had my second j2 physics tuition today... really quite stressful, cos it's not as though i am super confident of everything i learned in jc. i'm worried that i may teach them the wrong things sometimes D: though of cos i'm v careful with what i say and how i answer their questions. somehow i really dun feel very qualified to teach them but on the other hand i'm eager to help. i taught them the whole chapter on Lasers and Semiconductors today! kept drinking water cos i was practically giving a mini lecture lol. felt a great sense of achievement after that cos it helped me revise what i've learned before. j2 tuition really really need to plan ahead, if i hadnt revise through before tuition, i would have done a terrible job today!! the two of them apparently dun listen much during their lectures... -.- added stress to know this actually, cos it kinda implies that they are relying greatly on tuition...huge responsibility! >< next week's chapter: Nuclear Physics.
alright, sleeping time!
Haha oh well, the busy holidays r just about to begin. Had the second meeting with Mona in the afternoon, tgt w Danial and Qing Zhong. She has approved our idea and is willing to see us through the project, but it's gonna last all the way to October and I'm honestly not very keen on that, cos before I know it, my year 2 sem 1 is packed w commitments?? D: which means my attention and energy will b splitted and I can't focus on each commitment very well. Soo, I need to b really careful w what I promise to do frm no on.
had my second j2 physics tuition today... really quite stressful, cos it's not as though i am super confident of everything i learned in jc. i'm worried that i may teach them the wrong things sometimes D: though of cos i'm v careful with what i say and how i answer their questions. somehow i really dun feel very qualified to teach them but on the other hand i'm eager to help. i taught them the whole chapter on Lasers and Semiconductors today! kept drinking water cos i was practically giving a mini lecture lol. felt a great sense of achievement after that cos it helped me revise what i've learned before. j2 tuition really really need to plan ahead, if i hadnt revise through before tuition, i would have done a terrible job today!! the two of them apparently dun listen much during their lectures... -.- added stress to know this actually, cos it kinda implies that they are relying greatly on tuition...huge responsibility! >< next week's chapter: Nuclear Physics.
alright, sleeping time!
had sow seniors' gathering today! lol the most fun thing was captain's ball? there's just this part of me inside that is dying to exercise somehow. we ended at 6 plus instead of the stated 9pm -.- so the few of us (me martin val chuyuan) and stella and koontong+gf went to Raffles City Ben & Jerry's for icecream! i've been spending quite a bit on food recently :/
i'm starting to get a darker skin colour on my hands and legs, but my face is just peeling peeling peeling ): so i'll look tanned with a pale face D: i need to convince myself to give up on getting a tan.
ytd went iceskating w Zordon ppl. was quite fun la, i finally dun have to start off holding the sides! but the ice was weird... it was a bit too hard and bumpy; it makes it easier to stand still on the ice, but at the same time it also makes it easier to fall! i fell 4 times ytd.. and there's one particular fall that caused me a big bruise and scratches ><
that has to stop happening or it'll really start making things awkward. i can shrug and laugh it off a few times, but if it is repeated again and again it'll really start getting annoying and i dun think it'll have any positive impacts. so i really appeal to all to stop bringing that up D: stop emphasizing it to me, i know what yall are trying to imply, but really, dont. i would deeply appreciate all ur cooperation..
getting late, waiting for ms to return from his dangerous and lonely role for night training in the forest...
i'm starting to get a darker skin colour on my hands and legs, but my face is just peeling peeling peeling ): so i'll look tanned with a pale face D: i need to convince myself to give up on getting a tan.
ytd went iceskating w Zordon ppl. was quite fun la, i finally dun have to start off holding the sides! but the ice was weird... it was a bit too hard and bumpy; it makes it easier to stand still on the ice, but at the same time it also makes it easier to fall! i fell 4 times ytd.. and there's one particular fall that caused me a big bruise and scratches ><
that has to stop happening or it'll really start making things awkward. i can shrug and laugh it off a few times, but if it is repeated again and again it'll really start getting annoying and i dun think it'll have any positive impacts. so i really appeal to all to stop bringing that up D: stop emphasizing it to me, i know what yall are trying to imply, but really, dont. i would deeply appreciate all ur cooperation..
getting late, waiting for ms to return from his dangerous and lonely role for night training in the forest...
i was doing a bit of research on SEP this morning, and it seems like there's hope of mapping modules to certain universities in California!! and there's this uni in Australia (La Trobe University) which seems to be specially collaborating with nus for physics majors. omg EXCITED. i hope i'll b able to settle SEP stuff in year 2 sem 1! and well of course, i also hope that i have at least a friend going the same uni with mee. jiawen jomain martin val i'm counting on yall!
on top of looking like a lobster, my face is starting to hurt now :/ and i'm aching all over from excessive usage of my old muscles. seems like i'll b iceskating w peeling skin (UGLY!!) and muscle aches on monday ):): and seniors gathering on tuesday also oh dear. now i begin to regret running 10 rounds+50 push-ups+50 sit-ups on thursday and staying under the hot sun for 4 hours on friday D: too eager to regain my healthiness and sportiness =.=
just received an sms from mr ogl about senior's gathering on tuesday. it's at ALOHA LOYANG oh my goodness why so far?? most upsetting. and i think only mr ogl and i live all the way in the west D: oh well. luckily it's only for one day. i hope prep camp is in sch, seriously.
Mothers' day is coming!
on top of looking like a lobster, my face is starting to hurt now :/ and i'm aching all over from excessive usage of my old muscles. seems like i'll b iceskating w peeling skin (UGLY!!) and muscle aches on monday ):): and seniors gathering on tuesday also oh dear. now i begin to regret running 10 rounds+50 push-ups+50 sit-ups on thursday and staying under the hot sun for 4 hours on friday D: too eager to regain my healthiness and sportiness =.=
just received an sms from mr ogl about senior's gathering on tuesday. it's at ALOHA LOYANG oh my goodness why so far?? most upsetting. and i think only mr ogl and i live all the way in the west D: oh well. luckily it's only for one day. i hope prep camp is in sch, seriously.
Mothers' day is coming!
why do ppl like to ignore my smses??
it's really not that difficult to gimme a reply rite...
why oh why.
sad jinqing ):
it's really not that difficult to gimme a reply rite...
why oh why.
sad jinqing ):
went to sentosa today with science cf-ers! not a lot of ppl came though, and everyone's concept of punctuality is so terrible i think i shld pray about it =.= the meeting time was 10am, i was 10mins late, and i was the EARLIEST. and in the end everyone who was supposed to come finally all reached by 11am. so we set off to sentosa one hour later than the actual time. terrible rite?? haha i think punctuality is disappearing in uni. no one is ever on time nowadays, seriously. even i am getting that influence alr. but ok la, i'm conscious about it so at least i'm never more than 15 mins late...
anyway! it started raining and spirits were dampened, but the awesome thing was that when the tram moved towards Beach station, the rain stopped and tada, when we walked on the beach, the sand was DRY! which meant that it wasnt raining at the beaches woohoo. we found a nice spot, left our stuffs, the guys started playing volleyball, and the girls + shawn flicked! haha shawn not bad eh! we flicked for quite awhile, i was damn happy cos it has been ages since i touched a disc! after a loong while, the other guys joined us, and we played a mini game! i dont know why but shawn kept saying that i'm equivalent to 2 guys and he kept harping on that today! i'm not particularly sporty or speedy or strong what ._. after awhile, the sun was too unbearable, so we all took a break! then we flicked again, and i pulled laycheng and vivien to play volleyball w me! ever since graduating frm jc, i never played volleyball...kinda miss it! and after awhile i managed to get the hang of serving over that super tall net! i am extremely sure that in jc the net was never that high up hahaha. and then the guys came over to play w us, and i realised how noob we are... well, at least i can serve pretty well hehheh. my arm has the burst blood vessels alr, although we didnt play for v long..
finally at 3 plus, we decided to wash up and return to vivo for lunch!! Carl's junior, shared w laycheng! vivien laycheng and i drank so much cold drink omg, thank goodness the drink was refillable. i think the sun really drained a lot of our energy and water.
i left them at 6 plus to meet my mum for dinner! went shopping w her awhile before going home... bought her a mothers' day gift le haha (:
ok v late le, goodnight world.
anyway! it started raining and spirits were dampened, but the awesome thing was that when the tram moved towards Beach station, the rain stopped and tada, when we walked on the beach, the sand was DRY! which meant that it wasnt raining at the beaches woohoo. we found a nice spot, left our stuffs, the guys started playing volleyball, and the girls + shawn flicked! haha shawn not bad eh! we flicked for quite awhile, i was damn happy cos it has been ages since i touched a disc! after a loong while, the other guys joined us, and we played a mini game! i dont know why but shawn kept saying that i'm equivalent to 2 guys and he kept harping on that today! i'm not particularly sporty or speedy or strong what ._. after awhile, the sun was too unbearable, so we all took a break! then we flicked again, and i pulled laycheng and vivien to play volleyball w me! ever since graduating frm jc, i never played volleyball...kinda miss it! and after awhile i managed to get the hang of serving over that super tall net! i am extremely sure that in jc the net was never that high up hahaha. and then the guys came over to play w us, and i realised how noob we are... well, at least i can serve pretty well hehheh. my arm has the burst blood vessels alr, although we didnt play for v long..
finally at 3 plus, we decided to wash up and return to vivo for lunch!! Carl's junior, shared w laycheng! vivien laycheng and i drank so much cold drink omg, thank goodness the drink was refillable. i think the sun really drained a lot of our energy and water.
i left them at 6 plus to meet my mum for dinner! went shopping w her awhile before going home... bought her a mothers' day gift le haha (:
ok v late le, goodnight world.
so much for wanting to lead a more fulfilling life hahaha. i spent 2 hours clicking through online shopping websites (only bought one dress after all the browsing lol), and another 2 hours in the afternoon sleeping... i did finish filing and packing up this sem's notes though! all neat and tidy in the cupboard now yayye.
why do camps leech my money >< last year paid 100+ bucks for two camps, this year another 100+ bucks for another two camps. next week will b the first time meeting the whole sow comm and seniors, and more imptly, my og! cos got seniors gathering on tuesday..i think after the gathering, we'll have to start on all the preparations and making of video and so on haha. havent signed up for vcf foc, shall wait for grace to get back to me with more info from Samuel.
going shopping w stella, michelle and yiting tmr! (: thinking of going down to check out the Ukelele Movement too...since it's in the same area. but i dun dare to commit on my own leh, and my mum nt free tmr ):
why do camps leech my money >< last year paid 100+ bucks for two camps, this year another 100+ bucks for another two camps. next week will b the first time meeting the whole sow comm and seniors, and more imptly, my og! cos got seniors gathering on tuesday..i think after the gathering, we'll have to start on all the preparations and making of video and so on haha. havent signed up for vcf foc, shall wait for grace to get back to me with more info from Samuel.
going shopping w stella, michelle and yiting tmr! (: thinking of going down to check out the Ukelele Movement too...since it's in the same area. but i dun dare to commit on my own leh, and my mum nt free tmr ):
ran 3+ km today, shall embrace the body aches that will come tmr and beyond haha. i need to plan my next run to b earlier in the week cos i really dun wish to go iceskating next mon w an aching body...
finished all 3 movies of Lord of the Rings!! Nice movies (: didnt really enjoy the scenes with the brutal killing and war but it's not tooo gory so i can live w it haha. the scenes with the monster spider was very yucky though. i dun like spiders. BEWARE SPOILER IN THE NEXT LINE..................... martin lied to me when i exclaimed to him aft i watched the first that Gandulf really died -.- but i guess it's a justified lie or it would have been a huge spoiler lol! thanks for lending~ i really like Aragon hehheh. though Legolas is quite cool too!! his awesome swiftness and charm with the arrows. glad that Gandulf survived til the end... it's a pity the other kings had to die...
now that i'm done with lord of the rings, the desire to watch disney movies has dampened cos the sudden switch feels a bit weird hahaha. shall take a break frm movies first for now... i need to find someone with the movies anyway!
alright, i'm beginning to feel restless and at a loss with my sudden freedom. from tmr onwards, i will plan my time and start doing things that are more meaningful than staring at my comp or lazing around, and not let time slip past. i'm supposed to start getting busy v soon, with tuitions and church and organizing outings and continuing lead programme stuffs and prob sow preparations...and whatever other commitments i'm going to take up hahaha. but it is like the start of disorganised schedules and timings all over again, no fixed timetable to follow.. so i need to plan and spend my time wisely.
i must not waste my holidays away.
finished all 3 movies of Lord of the Rings!! Nice movies (: didnt really enjoy the scenes with the brutal killing and war but it's not tooo gory so i can live w it haha. the scenes with the monster spider was very yucky though. i dun like spiders. BEWARE SPOILER IN THE NEXT LINE..................... martin lied to me when i exclaimed to him aft i watched the first that Gandulf really died -.- but i guess it's a justified lie or it would have been a huge spoiler lol! thanks for lending~ i really like Aragon hehheh. though Legolas is quite cool too!! his awesome swiftness and charm with the arrows. glad that Gandulf survived til the end... it's a pity the other kings had to die...
now that i'm done with lord of the rings, the desire to watch disney movies has dampened cos the sudden switch feels a bit weird hahaha. shall take a break frm movies first for now... i need to find someone with the movies anyway!
alright, i'm beginning to feel restless and at a loss with my sudden freedom. from tmr onwards, i will plan my time and start doing things that are more meaningful than staring at my comp or lazing around, and not let time slip past. i'm supposed to start getting busy v soon, with tuitions and church and organizing outings and continuing lead programme stuffs and prob sow preparations...and whatever other commitments i'm going to take up hahaha. but it is like the start of disorganised schedules and timings all over again, no fixed timetable to follow.. so i need to plan and spend my time wisely.
i must not waste my holidays away.
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